Jokes About Cars
0 To 140 In No Time
A husband buys his wife a car for Christmas...
"I don't like it" she says, "I want some what that goes from 0-100 in 3 seconds."
So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says, "Stand on this!"
Show Of Strength
A guy walks into a bar and aggressively demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him, stands up, rolls up his sleeves like he's ready to fight, and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy politely asks "Can you please help me push my car to the gas station?"
The Licence Plate
Bunty's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park.
Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.
Naturally, she reported the matter to the police.
"What did he look like?" the havaldar asked.
"I don't know." she replied, "But I got the licence plate number!"
The Wrong Way
As an old man was driving his old car down a busy motorway, his mobile phone rang.
Upon answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Jim, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!"
"Tell me about it!" said Jim, "Its not just one car. Its hundreds of them!"
A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car.
Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter.
A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little miffed that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up.
He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his brakes. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche.
After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and asked how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter.
The injured man replied, "I can't really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror!"
-Picture courtesy Thinkstock-