1. CrowdPilot - The perfect dating app for the socially inept.
We all know that first dates are tough. What if the conversation lags? What if you lose the ability to form a cohesive sentence? CrowdPilot was invented to ease these anxieties by live streaming audio of your date to friends (or even strangers) who can then send suggestions on what to say and how to act.
Pros: You can potentially avoid any awkward silences.
Cons: You're obsessively checking your phone instead of focusing on your date.
2. Sock-it - Because virtual socks are the future.
Remember the good old days when folks just put a sock on the doorknob to let others know they were makin' whoopee? Neither do we. In a desperate attempt to remain hip, Clorox (yep, Clorox) has invented an app called "Sock-it" to give your roommates and friends the heads up when you're batter-dipping the corn dog. Sock-it uses location-finding technology to send anyone in the area (who has the app of course) a virtual "do not disturb" sign.
Pros: No more hanging dirty socks on the door!
Cons: There's already an app called Sendasock that's pretty much identical. Not to mention something primitive called a "text message" that has traditionally been used to send tidbits of information to others via cell phone.
Similar to "dangling a carrot" in front of a mule (how sweet!), Carrot users incentivize potential mates with a range of standard date fare like coffee or lunch to more extravagant gifts like a shopping spree or a day at the spa. While the app's founder innocently calls it "generosity dating," critics of the app have accused it of being "thinly veiled prostitution."
Pros: Suitors get a chance with someone who might otherwise be "out of their league" and those who respond get something in return besides just measly companionship.
4. Bad Date Rescue- Ditching your date just got a lot more fun!
How many times have you been caught listening to some mouth-breather drone on about his earthworm collection and thought, "Please God get me out of here." Luckily, the Bad Date Rescue app helps you abandon that rapidly sinking ship. The call can either be scheduled beforehand or triggered at the push of a button when things start to go south. The date is then interrupted by one of several fictional characters with pre-recorded scripts. It could be your sister announcing she's gone into labor or an angry boss with an emergency at work. The app will even give you cues on how to react to the faux-news.
Pros: Cut a bad date short without hurting anyone's feelings.
For those of you not already licking your phone just for the taste, here's a more practical reason to start. Users can perfect their oral sex skills with interactive features including flicking a light switch on and off and turning a crank with their tongues. The site also suggests you apply plastic wrap to your phone first. You know what they say: no glove, no love!
Has Captain Barkley had his eye on the flirty poodle down the street? He's in luck! There is now a "Tinder for dogs." The app is very similar to its predecessor: sign up for a profile, include a picture of your canine companion, and swipe right to "hook up" with other dogs and dog owners in your area. Bow-wow!
Pros: Gets you and your pooch out of the house (assuming you get a match).
Cons: You're subjecting a sweet, innocent dog to the harsh sting of rejection. News flash: the poodle's just not that into you.
7. Cloud Girlfriend - It worked for Joaquin Phoenix.
Who needs the hassle of a flesh and blood woman when you can get all the cute Facebook banter with the touch of a button? Cloud Girlfriend lets you design the perfect mate who will interact with you via Facebook posts or other social network. According to the founder, David Fuhriman: "The girlfriend is operated by a real girl. It is not a sex chat or pornography service." Then what's the point, right?
Pros: It's a lot cheaper than dating a real person.
Cons: Your Cloud Girlfriend could get bored with you and move on to some other desperate loser. Also, sadly, this app no longer exists.
Ever dreamed of getting it on in a cramped, smelly airplane bathroom with a complete stranger? Well, who hasn't? Wingman, also dubbed "Tinder of the skies," will connect you with hot singles who could be sitting just a few rows behind you on any given flight. Find someone you fancy? Swipe right, send them over a tiny bag of stale peanuts and let the games begin.
Pros: Helps users join that elite "mile high club."
Cons: If by some miraculous chance you find someone willing to join you for a romp in the loo, having sex over a toilet is just plain disgusting and getting caught could potentially mean facing jail time. Neeeeext.